Introduction
Let's face it. If you're reading this, you have no actual idea of how to deal with your new skulldog. But that's okay, because me neither. Well… actually, that would have been the truth a long time ago.
Matter of fact is, you need help. This guide I made has been written after several attempts, many failures and a few broken bones. And your experience, albeit less risky, will be almost exclusively composed by trial and error - because, guess what? No two instances are the same. Kind of like people. Exactly like people, now I think about it.
Remember to be careful. Dealing with all this can and will be a burden to carry for many months or even years to come; at least until you learn how to balance the rest of your life with Mal0 v1.0.0. And the Foundation is always there. It has eyes and ears everywhere. Don't try to fool them; they will know.
FAQ
What did I get myself into? What do I do?
As soon as you downloaded the app, you basically signed an invisible contract. You are now entitled to your own instance of what the Foundation refers to as "SCP-1471-A" - we'll call them -As for short. You cannot get rid of them. You can't get rid of the app, either. And I seriously wouldn't even try to hurt them at all - nor would I ever have the balls to do it, either. They're strong enough to snap you in half like a glowstick.
You're now in charge of a skull-faced dog humanoid. They're quite intelligent, but you'll have to raise them on several aspects; eating, drinking, limits and whatever else is deemed necessary must be explained to them calmly and slowly. Don't raise your voice or insult them, as they're tendencially very sensitive (exceptions may apply) and might misinterpret your attitude. Mal0 instances are sentient and rational, directly comparable to humans - though experience tells me they're a bit more emotional.
Comfort yourself with the fact you have a new daily routine in front of you. Hey, it might not be as bad as you think - my life was pretty boring until I got my own Mal0. I call mine Raven. Maybe you'll suck less at naming your own -A.
I just downloaded the app - what's happening?
Ah, I remember getting my hands on a working link. My hands shook with excitement!
At this point, nothing happened yet. The app won't allow itself to be removed, and it will eventually stay hidden somewhere you can't see.
The least anomalous part of this app comes first. You'll be greeted, daily, with increasingly more personal pictures of yourself being sent to you, but with 1471-A somewhere on those same files - first a blurry mess, then slowly focusing into the sweet monster you'll soon be joined by, picture by picture.
Don't fret. After it sends you pictures of it on places it shouldn't be (like, for example, right behind you), you'll start to see it in the corner of your eye. Then, in reflections.
And that's where some people are stuck. They have never tried to further explore or see if their Mal0 could become more tangible, more real. But so many of us have - and with great results.
So, what do I do to get my very own emo furry partner?
I'm glad you didn't ask!
Make sure your Mal0 is at its final stage during your "passiveness" - you must wait until you start seeing it in your mirror, or in any other reflective surfaces, as to not hurry anything.
The next part is tricky. It involves some moderate witchcraftery, and the chances that you'll have to do it more than once are somewhat high.
How to lure your Mal0
You're gonna need to lure it into interacting with you. Cooking a good meal is oftentimes a great way to get your Mal0 to manifest in front of you.
I've found roast beef to be one of the most luring and enticing meals - however, barbecues are too noisy or otherwise unappealing. Similarly, junk food is not advisable, as it tastes like nothing and the sugar, salt, and other addictive substances present only leave -A considerably hungry (or hungrier.)
Takeout is definetly an option, but order any meat-based meal from a decent restaurant for acceptable results.
Depending on factors I haven't understood yet, cooking a meal will get your own Mal0's attention.
Set a table for both of you, and make sure that their plate is wide and deep (as to help with their anatomy). Cook your meals, and serve them both. Don't eat anything but your share. Some anomalous skulldogs have appeared while a meal was being preparated; and some have appeared only after their owner finished, got up and left the table.
Try different meals. Chicken, cow and rabbit are the best meats to try out; but some instances were much more interested in desserts like macarons, which have the perfect consistency and texture for them to eat. Vegetables are a healthy complement, but remember your Mal0 isn't a vegan. They'll grow tired of your meals and attempt to hunt for meat or cook for themselves, if taught.
What can my Mal0 do?
More than you could think of. In fact, they're quite literally comparable to CS:GO skins.
For those who don't know, Counter-Strike: Global Offensive is a FPS that allows you to apply cosmetic changes to your weapons; these are called "skins". They change nothing about the weapon itself, except for the outside.
Similarly, Mal0 will look different than a regular human, and, in some ways, act differently than one, guiding themselves a bit more by emotions than by logic - but they still talk, walk, and… do other things like a human, exceptions aside.
You can teach your -A to do virtually anything. They're naturaly curious by things you're interested in - be it cars, computers, or retro videogames - and they just need to be taught limits.
Limits are something that either the developers missed on purpose, or that they forgot to add. Each instance needs to be taught some rules and/or limits to follow around you. These could be simple things, like wearing clothes (more on that later), or complex, more abstract things, like going to bed at a specific time. -A instances are undoubtedly intelligent - submit yours to an IQ test and see for yourself! - and will understand if you talk slowly and calmly about what bothers you; bonus points if you justify yourself. The fear of disappointing you, along with the desire to obey (exceptions aside, more on that later), requires no physical and verbal punishments.
Do not try to physically or verbally abuse your Mal0, for whatever reason. It will not end well.
Your anomalous skulldog learns best from observing. YouTube tutorials and live demostrations of things to learn are the best way to learn anything: osu!mania, origami, tax evasion, etc. This is why you should also talk with your Mal0 after she sees new things. Watching Breaking Bad might give them a wrong, distorted impression about drugs, for example.
Ideally, you should expose it to lots of books, first. Good quality reads - these could be anywhere between fantasy to astrophysics - will stimulate your -A companion's brain, and allow her to become a much more interesting entity to be around. Remember to show her things you like, too.
What can't my Mal0 do?
It's not a god. Though it hasn't been affected by any disease, it can be injured. There have been no reports of late instances, fortunately; but only an estimated 15% of the total amount of owners aren't in the Foundation's custody or know how to access the Anomal0forum (more on that later), so we can't know for sure.
It's not much stronger than an average human. It runs about as much as a human can. Anything except intelligence is relatively normal.
It's merely a companion. It's up to you if you really want it to be part of your life.